As I stand in the sand, the wind blowing hard in my face, the waves tossing wildly against my legs, I close my eyes and feel the silkiness of her rose petals in my hands. Her tiny body laid to rest on this. What better bed could I have made for my sweet little girl? I hold them to my nose, breathing in their soft fragrance one last time. I pause in this moment and reflect. This very morning, my dear friend died. He is with her now. I remember him. I remember her. So much pain yet how at rest my spirit is. I slowly unfold my fingers and let her go symbolically as the wind snatches the petals and takes them away faster than I could see. So true to the moment, how death stole my daughter from me.
The death of our children, no matter how early in the pregnancy or how many years we had with them, is one of the worst (if not THE worst) pains our heart can bear. The weight of their absence is always felt, no matter how much time has passed by. Over a decade ago, I would begin a journey that I never could have imagined I would be able to survive, let alone want to embrace. Eight miscarriages and one stillborn, yet here I am and thriving more than ever before. In the depths of heartache, God has given unimaginable strength and in my brokenness, He has been building a woman that I never could have become on my own.
“How can I take all of this pain and use it for your glory Lord?” That prayer brought me to Stillbirthday. I sat in awe, going back in forth all day and evening, studying over this International Network. It seemed too good to be true. A group with a heart-calling so much like mine??? It was true and June 19th, 2017 I became certified through them as a Birth and Bereavement Doula.
As a Stillbirthday Birth and Bereavement Doula, I am trained in providing support before, during and after birth in EVERY trimester. As an SBD Bereavement Doula, it is my heart's desire to provide support to you and your family in what ways you may need. This journey is yours and yours alone, but you do not have to go it alone. And while this road is bitter and terribly painful, there is still hope and moments of joy to be found and held tightly to.
Along with the SBD Bereavement Doula service, I also offer bereavement photography. While the concept of bereavement photography is growing, many people still do not understand its purpose. Ultimately, it is to give you the opportunity to make as many lasting memories as you can with your precious baby before saying farewell. It is not something to be seen as morbid or gross. This is your child and you deserve to have pictures of him or her.
All of my bereavement services are at no cost to you. I cannot give you the one thing you want back but I can give you my time and talent and hopefully memories you will treasure for the rest of your life.
My deepest sympathies to you and yours.
“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever […]” Hebrews 6:19-20 ESV